Books for Kids, by Famous People! (fiction, but partially based on fact)

This fall will see the release of several books by famous people that are destined to take the publishing world by storm. Here are a few exciting previews of what’s to come in 2009:

“Nothin’ Beats Winnin’ like Beatin’ a Dog” by Michael Vick. In this heartwarming tale of being a grownup with everything to lose, “Li’l Mikey Vick” is the star of his neighborhood’s touch football team, but then his li’l head gets a li’l too big. To celebrate their victory against another team, he tries to teach his puppy how to play football! Hilarity ensues when the poor little rascal can’t play by the rules, so Li’l Mikey has his pals mercilessly beat it with whatever happens to be nearby. This story is sure to be a football season “read it to me again” tradition for years to come!

“Goodness Gracious! What is that thing?!” by Lady Gaga. In this picture book by the famous singer, young readers have to figure out what the hidden image is on every page. Is that a Bull or a Cow hiding behind the haystack? Little detectives will spend hours poring over grainy pictures trying to figure out this, and other mysteries!

“I’ve got you covered! Just Kidding!” by Republican Congressional Members. This wonderful little flipbook is a fast paced look at healthcare reform for the little ones. Watch as a frail elderly woman stands on a rug with the words “health coverage” written on it, only to have it pulled out from under her. Kids will want to see it over and over again! This is a fun sequel to the classic "Hey, My Social Security Umbrella just Collapsed in a Rainstorm!"

“Here’s to Fiction!” by Tom Cruise. Lovable nutcase Tom Cruise tells the miraculous, and utterly believable, story of scientology to youngsters. Watch your children’s eyes light up with awe when you tell them that people’s souls were sent here billions of years ago by a galactic ruler, only to be stored in volcanoes for millennia before being let out to unleash misery upon humankind! This timeless tale comes with a play E-meter so the little ones can test each other, or even the plants in your garden. You’ll all be jumping on a couch after reading this one!

“Oops! It’s Li’l ‘Nam!” by Unkle Sam. Oh No! Looks like Unkle Sam is in another fine mess when he decides to fight two kids who live down the street because he thinks one of them threw a rock through his window, threatened his dad and killed his goldfish! The joke is on him though, because it was actually another kid who did it, but that kid gives his parents fuel for their “fun-mobile,” so he can’t get them mad! Looks like he can never get anything right, but he can’t back down so he just keeps going! That little guy is inspiration for everyone!

“My Guy in the Sky is Better than Your guy in the Sky!” featuring Li’l Israel. This timeless tale shows what happens when years of miscommunication result in some pretty serious problems. “Li’l Israel” decides that his neighbor, “Li’l Palestine,” is living on his land, even though Li’l Palestine was there first! Uh Oh, looks like a wall’s gonna go up! If only Li’l Berlin’s mistakes taught these little fuckers a things or two about civility.

“I can read a menu, and you’ll laugh” by Dane Cook. This is destined to be a classic! Legally retarded celebrity Dane Cook recounts every single detail in his day, using mainly capital letters and exclamation points! If you thought hearing about dry cleaning and ordering fast food wasn’t funny, you’re right, but he sure is loud and in your face!

“Ouch, That’s Hot!” by Megan Fox. Sexy actress Megan Fox proves how smart she is by publishing this book of real photos featuring hot or otherwise dangerous things that she touched to make sure people knew what they were talking about. See how surprised she looks when the radiator cap pops off and sends scalding water all over her! This book will certainly teach your kids what not to do, by following this leading lady’s example.

“How Many is Too Many?” By Nadya Suleman. Everybodies favorite media whore and mother of 14 teaches counting and responsibility to your little brood! This story about a little girl in a fantasy realm where responsibility doesn’t exist will have your kids saying “I wish the king would give me magical stamps for food so I can live with my retired mother and have a million babies,” just like the Princess Nadya does in this fairy tale. There’s also a great lesson about taking “magical herbs and spices” that can make the human body capable of doing things that it really shouldn’t do! This book also comes with 14 rubber balls that your little tikes can attempt to juggle, with often hilarious results!